i feel sick so i will try to tell my casino and pro football stories later. if i dont forget them.
oh god this book is back in harlem for the holidays i think. i hope i don't have cash when i past by the book stand.

I'm going to get a schedule soon, really.

i didn’t go to sleep last night. instead i worked until my parents came off 3rd shift then i went to walmart (regular) to buy a sports bra. then my mom and i went to rec center.

this is were i found that i am very ery out of shape. or maybe just tipsy and tired. i started on the treadmill at speed 4.7. that not really a run- still just a jog. about 5 minute into it thought i was really going to puke. i could taste the apco omelet and the baily's Irish cream. ew. so i slowed down to a brisk walk, then to a crawl. i didn’t want people think i was such a wus. even i was surprised. so i raised the incline so i was walking up hill. so its like 'yeah i don’t want to run i choose to walk up hill. its really hard too." so in the end it took 50 min to finish 3.5 miles. and that was only because i was really pushing myself. i suck.

i am so tired so i am going to dillions to eat a salad then im going to sleep.

its so weird that i can't sleep. i think its like i have no idea what my family's plans are that i just want to be up all the time? i don’t know. at least that’s what sunday-monday into tueday was. but my brother talked about seeing grandma today.

if worst comes to worse i guess i can sleep on the way to kansas city. no i am gong to sleep today.

cowley cinema 8 ain't bad

i forgot what it was like to come home with the aroma of smoke in my hair.

Rebecca and i went to o'kellys tonight. its a bar in winfield where i guess anyone my age would hangout. i ran into Anthony (my brother) and he bought me a drink. yay. then we chatted with lots of people that i dont really remember but who graduated with Anthony and Rebecca.

oh hey i don't know if Charlie is reading but we saw a girl and we couldn't tell if it was her or not. it would have been too weird to approach her because i was pretty sure it wasn't Charlie. I told them that Charlie looked more like a librarian. My brother and Rebecca both thought that sounded hot. so there you go Charlie.

funny how many people don't know a white russian or a mudslide.

then of course we came back to ark city and dined at apco-east. i don't know the real name. that's the trucker diner in the back of the gas station. no windows. oh we were going to ask to keep the menu for Tricia :)

i'm a little tipsy/tired now but i'm thinking im going to work now or maybe shower i don’t know. hopefully i wont have to redo anything tomorrow :)

YAY

well my check situation will work out. I called my old job and they said "we've been trying to get ahold of you, we have your check here." i was like, "i deposited it two weeks ago." then they said, "um we dont have record of another check but if california sent two then they probably canceled one of the them."

"yeah it bounced."

"sorry about that, I will fedex this over night to you."

"what about the fees? i have almost $100 in overdraft fees."

"send us the statment and we will send it out to california. They deal with the money."

Yeah so my job wasnt the bad guy, but i don't trust this california stuff. Tricia hates california production and i think i do too- they don't understand that we aren't all at the beach. we have to pay rent.

My ship is sinking.

i don't even care anymore. i'm going to let it take me. i give up. yesterday i had -$769.34 in my account. and this is what is looks like today:

12/14/2005 FEE/*OVERDRAFT CHARGE $30.00 -$835.11
12/14/2005 FEE/*OVERDRAFT CHARGE $30.00 -$805.11
12/14/2005 DRCTDBT/VISA-STARBUCKS NEWYORK $5.77 -$775.11
12/13/2005 CHECK/****** ($605.00) -$769.34
12/13/2005 ATM/105 W.125TH ST, NEW YORK $40.00 -$164.34
12/12/2005 FEE/*RETURNED DEPOSITED ITEM FEE $10.00 -$124.34
12/12/2005 OTHER/*RETURNED DEPOSITED ITEM $1,005.51 -$114.34


see the starbucks? yeah. i went to starbucks 3 days ago, when i had $900 in the bank. i payed with my credit/debit. now i will soon have another $30 fee for a $6 dollar coffee. see the other two $30 dollar fees? those are for the $40 i took from the ATM and the rent check. I am so fucked. yeah so i thought the best thing to do is post this on my blog.

i called the bank. and yes my paycheck bounce. the bank destroyed the check but they have sent a copy to me in the mail.i must wait for it. i must take the copy to my employer. to this i said, "my employer is out of town and i have no money. no money at all. i have $-835.11" she felt very bad for me. that was nice of her.

Its' not my fault

It's not my fault. a 1000 dollars suddenly disappeared from my account, i took 40 dollars out of the ATM, plus the rent check bounced... all today. fuck. no, the rent check sdidnt actually bounce. ok here:

i took out cash and the slip said i was negative 146.00. my first thought was "that's funny. oh, the rent check must have cleared and i must have put money into my savings. (yes i do have a savings account- i really try to keep money in there but it always turns into my safety stash when rent comes around.) wow I should be more careful and keep the money in my account when i know that checks are being cashed."
this was my thought and i went on my way running errands.

i remembered to check my account online jsut before i was going to defrag my computer and go to bed.

that's went i saw today’s date: $1005.51 returned deposited item. what?? what?? what is this deposited item that was returned? i only took out 40 dollars. i thought someone stole my numbers. i went looking for the card to make sure i didn’t leave it in the atm. i had the card.

that was a very specific amount. i remember depositing a sum that size. the check bounced? no. no my paycheck didn't bounce. right?

i called wamu to see what was going on . they didn't know. "but i deposited the check two weeks ago. it was in my bank and now its gone and i have a $10 fee for it missing"

oh, on top of that, my 40 dollars now has a fee of $30 and the rent check magically cleared so there is a $30 fee for Wamu covering my ass on rent. thats $70 plus my rent amount ($605.) plus the 40 i took out, plus the difference that what was left after my pay check bounce/held or whatever- bringing me to -769.43 in dept. this was not my fault. "you are charging me $70. dollars in fees when none of this was my fault??"

they had no answers for me seeing that is was 5:30 am. they said the answer will come at 10 am whent he bank opens. i must call them then. it's now almost 7. im going set my alarm and take a nap.

before all this i was going to talk about how i think i really do have diabetes. i guess that will wait. grrr

eggs are food

it's 2:42 am and someone's car alarm has been going off nonstop for a hour.

I have, in the past, done something that "might could" have gotten me killed.

This is the scenario: some person leaves their alarm on the most sensitive level and the neighborhood suffers all night because their lazy ass won't go out in the cold to turn their shit off.

it's still going off... im trying to restrain myself.

in the past...i couldn't sleep from some fucking person's car alarm. I finally could take no more. I jumped out of bed looked out the window. spotted the culprit. grabbed a sheet of staples printer paper, a marker and proceeded to the kitchen. grabbed my coat and a egg from the fridge. went downstairs- outside- up to the car. I wrote a little note asking them the please FIX YOUR FUCKING ALARM. tucked it under the windshield wiper and just to make sure they noticed it...slammed the egg on the hood.

ARG! its still going off

i'm not sorry. if they can afford a car and an alarm. they should fix it.

grrr

but that's not me now.that was a very stupid thing to do. I'm not trying to sleep. i'm going to be calm and listen to my head phones and work. plus i don’t have any eggs.

Burger King gave me herpes.

I'm kidding. But i do have very painful pimple on the side of my mouth. it became chapped from the cold and then it ripped when i opened my mouth. and now it looks like a horrible cold sore, but it's not.

I'm trying to think of how and when i developed this pimple. i can only think of last week when i ate a BK whooper meal. so yummy. did the fries do it?

my arm hurts from throwing snowballs from the roof at the 7th floor of the condo building across the street.

hmm i think Ani DiFranco is an acquired taste...

I saw RENT the movie, but first...

I was drawn to the musical 7 years ago. a little cheesy yeah, but I related to the over all feeling it captured. alone and trying to understand myself and others, going through some sort of transition and yeah trying to create art. I wasn't living with hiv or dying from tb but the bohemian tale appealed to me. and i like the new york feeling it had.

I am a dork. for years i have plotted how i would adapt Rent into a movie. and though at one time I could sing almost every cheesy over dramatic lyric, I always knew it was... cheesy.

on stage, i think it is technically an opera. there is very little talking at all. and most of the singing-conversations (in the second act) were either spoken or dropped out of the movie. I liked the darker side of Rent. the side that the movie seemed to neglect.

I think i can best compare the feeling to...
walking around in the east village at 3am on a winter night. no one on the street. dark. freezing. looking for an opened place to eat and use the bathroom. i think everyone in NY has been in that situation and has cursed about the fucking "city that never sleeps." feeling miserable. wanting a reason to live and wanting to be in bed. and well... that was my little dream to give to everyone. that along with some cheesy songs, taking place in the 90's and with less synthesized instruments.

Now about the movie,
the casting was great and the acting was good considering they spoke in rhyme. If they aren't going to sing the lines they should have written a script rather than just say the lyrics. and I wish Rodger had shorter hair so i wouldn’t have been reminded of the "lion-man" from the 80's tv series Beauty and the beast with Linda Hamilton. but that might just be me.

the editing/continuity was very confusing. i didn't see the point of dragging the events of one night into three days and nights. I guess so it wouldn't have been a "christmas movie." but la boheme also took place on xmas eve.

Songs and situations are rearranged for the movie format. that doesn't bother me, but it would be nice if characters didn't know one another before they even meet.

I didn't like the camera work. I'm not a cinematographer, but i care. there must be a book that film people read that says: to convey seriousness use a close up. to show everything is "out of control" use a handheld. to make something feel unsettling use a dolly zoom. arg they might as well have a caption that reads what emotion they are conveying.

i don’t feel like writing anymore.

overall i felt like the director, Columbus, didn't really take a chance. It's basically the musical on film at thompson square park and around there. and lots of talking in rhythm.

Rent!!

I finally finally received my last check from bluesky! this is great because i can now pay rent. i was down to my last $25.84. should i be ashamed to say that?

well i know my xmas present from mom. a plane ticket.

my dad has this dream of taking his kids to a kansas city chiefs game on xmas eve. he already bought the tickets for me and my brothers. i plan for dad to buy me lots of beer and a hotdog for this. We will be dropping my mom off at the casino. that's her new thing. she won't play tables though.

I have a project that i hoped to finish by Dec. 20th. this way i could visit my family and not have to hurry back, but looking at my schedule i can see it's not possible.

yeah i'm still being a hater

This is M*attesi's site.
www.drawingforce.com
you can see a few quicktime clips of him drawing. you can also pay up to $100 for an online class.

cynthea and i had great fun critiquing his gallery.

wow i'm starting to talk about M*ttesi the way my high school art teacher, Mrs. Morgan, talked about Thomas Kinkade

i think if i'm going to trying copy anyone's "style" this drawing would be it.

wow Leonardo was drawing keys.

RENT

Seth sent me this. not the picture-I just thought it was important for us all to see Rosario Dawson ::sigh::



about rent, one reviewer wrote:

"Who's Surprising: Dawson, as Mimi, the heroin-addicted stripper with AIDS, transcends her skinny, pretty self with some very nice singing. She also makes you forget that she works in the same strip club that Jennifer Beals worked at in Flashdance, the one where men pay good money to see women create elaborate choreography scenarios but never take off their clothes."

I really hope that the persons with guns resolve their differences very soon.

there was another shooting acrossed the street. someone was hurt but i think he'll be ok because he walked to the stretcher.

Duvet smells like bleach

Jose got me out to Duvet last night. i really didn't want to go. partly because i didn't want to walk home late all alone- the shooting the night before*. and partly becasue i've been kind of anti-sociol lately. mostly because i feel i'm not accomplising anything. like i should work hard before i play hard. or something like that. and even though Sara says i pretend to be shy- i think i really am sometimes.

Duvet is a club that instead of tables, they have king size beds. everything is white. the bar also looks like its made of glacier. oh and the weirdest thing was using the bathroom. i was a little tipsy from the coquito still so the bathroom stalls freaked me out. actually they still do. but its a cool idea. coquito should be served in bars and clubs.

anyway my plan was to um read or draw- curl up on a bed and just chill since Tricia didn't feel like coming. yeah i guess it looks kind of pretenious to go to a $20 club to read, but i wasn't up for meeting people because i was so full from thanksgiving dinner and kind of shy.

Jose knows a lot of people.

I finally got to see Sophia La Mar wearing no pants. i don't believe she ever wears pants or skirts. but i guess if i were a 68 year old transsexual with legs like hers i wouldn’t either. and Amanda Lepore handed me her new postcard taken my David La Chapelle. i put it in my back pocket and probably lost it in the cab, but it was an awesome picture of course. i'm glad she remembers who i am. she’s very nice.

anyway jose introduced me to a really cool lesbian couple. they looked like they walked out of the L word. they were tall, beautiful, loved dance music, and were "cool." i am uncool.

evidently lesbians can tell when other girls like girls. because they decided to give jose advice for me. grr. i love how people always want to "help" me.
anway they said "whatever you do don't let her go to a dyke bar. some girl will put her in flannel and make her listen to ani de franco."

i did go to a lesbian party at starlight with my friend June. June is "cool." shes also an amazing artist. kind of an elitist - she doens't seem to like...well anyone. she once told me about hanging out with her ex girlfriend’s crowd..."I'm tired of your poetry. shave your arm pits." i love that quote.

anyway, Tricia was telling me i should be friends with the "cool" lesbians i guess so i can learn to be cool too? like the makeovers in zztop videos. that doesn’t sound right. here lets be friends so i can use you guys to be cool.

i'm already not as smart as all my friends. do i need a "cool" complex?

oh i did end up dancing though. that’s really the only reason i ever like going out. and they played most every song on Madonna's new album.

I heard about 8 or 10 shots

my head phones were on when i heard the noise. i went to the window hoping people were setting off firecrackers again. that’s when i heard the “ting”. yeah that was a bullet hitting a pole and close enough for me to hear the “ting”. I saw some scared looking people taking off up the block. but i didn’t want to be in the window anymore.

Tricia came walking in fast- yogurt in hand- and was like “hey lets go to the roof!” so i grabbed my phone, called 911 and went up stairs.

I was hoping the deli guy wasn’t killed. i saw a fight almost get ugly in there. i’m guessing they do own a gun. one night, one of the deli boys (16 maybe) was reaching into his coat when some asshole was making trouble with the deli guy. the asshole kept telling him “you don’t want to do that in here...come outside. there’s other people in here in here...lets take it outside.” i was pretty nervous but calm. silently praying that they wouldn’t take it outside and wouldn’t have a shoot up inside. cynthea and i were able to pay for our stuff and go. i was glad to see the deli boy around the next day.

but tonight i figured the deli guy was safe behind his bulletproof rotating box when i remembered how late is was.

anyway, its freezing outside. i told the police the cross-streets and by the time we got up stairs, 2 cops cars pulled up to the 24 hour laundromat. then 2 more pulled up followed by an undercover car. the police jumped out and kind of stood around on the vacant corner waiting for the gunman to show up.

then two guys and 3 girls came walking up. the police stopped them, saying “do you have any weapons...can you stand against the glass.” (the glass for the laundromat.). wow it looked really fucked up, like we were watching COPS. 8 white guys searching two black guys while the girls stand off by the curb. the two guys seemed hesitant and i think probably scared. then one of the girls yelled out “do whatever he says! just let him search you!”

of course they didn’t find anything. the cops stood around in a group a few minutes more. one asked the other cops “any witnesses?” they searched one more person before they got in their cars and left.

i thought i’d see if there was anything going on down the block. so i looked over the other edge and saw two more cop cars and a group of people talking to a police officer writing a report. there were no ambulances so i guess no on was hurt.

i was listening to tegan and sara and got inspired to get in touch with my lesbian side. are they both gay or is one like really lesbian the other one plays a guitar?

yeah so i looked up some poems and found this:

You may forget but
let me tell you
this: someone in
some future time
will think of us

- Sappho (600 BC)

damn...

don't buy a stopwatch made in ussr.

the new madonna album is pretty good

it’s 2am i’m about to go to sleep again. I don’t know why but i have been almost comatose for 2 days and so has Cynthea and Tricia. i don’t feel sick just very very tired. I hope we don’t have mono. I hope there is not a slight gas leak in our apartment. and i hope Bonnie does not contract mono or die from a gas leak when she visits this weekend.

Im sitting at my job waiting for corrections. hopefully only corrections and not entire new segments like friday night after work. but its good. time-and-a-half. Friday should have been my last day, but since their screening was pushed back to today i am paid to be on call. good good.

this was to be my big friday night whoohoo: go to union square. look up the matesi and mcmullen high-focus drawing books at barnes & noble. meet sara at kitty-kind, eat at tacobell, drink chi, walk sara to her train. and if i was lucky i'd get to hold a kitty cat. there's no way i can have one.

none of that happen because i had overtime. which is, like i said, not a bad thing. but it sucks to rely on the train which after 9 comes once an hour. now i know what commuters from long island feel like or upstate for that matter.

grr but i really do become irritated by the "bridge and tunnel" people on fridays and saturdays. crowding on the train with their heavy perfumes and colognes and accents. yes i said accents. they're going to "the City" when i just want to go home. and i wouldn't hate them so much if they had anything interesting to overhear.

mostly i've been reading a book called music for torching. but i forgot it last friday night when i was running (literally) for the 9:03 i even stopped and thought about going back for it. yeah me going back for a book. but i was on the last chapter.

i didn't go back- i wasn't about to miss my train and i was going to get a seat. so saturday i didn't have a book to take down to the laundromat. i asked cynthea for something small. she gave me two books: a cricket in time square and quiet days in clichy. if someone had looked in my bag they'd think i was a pedophile.

I started cricket first, i didn't far. then i went onto the henry miller one. it's kind of funny so far. right now the main character (which i think is supposed to be miller) is really pissed because he just gave all his money to a whore and can't find a thing to eat. dumbass.

yeah so i need to finish the am homes one before- oh shit today is the 7th. i need to look this up- she should have a reading today. Tricia had this idea that we both take the book someone threw out in a cardboard box. (thats where Music for torching came from) and ask her to sign it both of us. so ghetto :)

wow, i just worked 15 hours straight no lunch creak, no dinner. they did buy me lunch, thats good. today was my deadline and i think i have a few panels left but i had to make the 12:06 or i would have to wait another hour for a train. and somehow i came home and turned on my computer. this is not natural.
i hate sitting for long periods of time. i hate standing for long periods of time. i like lying down for long periods of time. yeah. i wonder if staring at a luminescent screen all day is really equivalent ot staring at fire. i should try that maybe. maybe not. the only fire i have are candlse and the gas burners on the stove.
ph god the other day i woke up, opened my door and smelled gas. i intimately ran to the kitchen and lifted up the stove top but the pilot lights were burning and so was the on under the oven. then i looked and the knob was slightly turned. not on but on enough.
ok sleep.

This is my last week at BlueSky, so i've been thinking about what to do in the future.
Here's one idea:
my new back-up plan in life is to become a freelance grape stomper. this is great because it will allow me to travel the world to various vineyards. I picture myself going from vineyard to vineyard in the south of france. making enough money to produce my animation of course. I'll go from France to Italy and Greece experiencing life with a glass of wine in one hand and a sketchbook in the other -until i make my way back to Spain and do some freelance animation at the studios in Madrid.

There are 5 malls within walking distance of my job.

I'm at work and i should be working but i can't get this image out of my head. it's a pretty bad drawing but i needed let it out so i can be productive.
thats a lobster oven mitt behind her head.

Just so you know...

I was walking to the mall for a Subway sandwich when i tried to pay my sprint bill. they had been calling me all morning. so i wanted to be a good costumer for change.

"just so you know..." the sprint automated operator is very bitchy and intimidating.
she says things like "JUST so you know...your balance isssss... $137.00"

Since when do machines start sentences with "Just so you know..???"

Why does IT have to have such an obvious attitude?

To scare people like me who forget they are talking to a machine. I guess that's how they make people pay up. they might as well have a hard brooklyn leg-breaker talking. actually that might be fun.

I forgot my glasses today and i have a huge headache and working overtime as i type this...

My work still hasn't paid me. grrr. Everyone else was paid on Thursday but here is...monday. tomorrow i'm gonna go up there and collect. Just so you know... Bluesky you haven't paid me and sprints on my ass.

one more thing... i woke up to construction men outside my window. I no longer have the view in the photo i posted before. I managed to take a photo my favorite building. it's white and slender and the setting for the next film i start.

okay i finished I, Claudius last night. It was pretty good. So then Tricia handed me a new book to read. Music for Torching by A. M. Homes.

I started it on the train to white plains this morning. I wasnt sure if i liked it until these lines (which were the last lines i read before my stop):
"What does my wife do at your house all day?"
"She fucks my mother," Jennifer says, without a pause.

haha thanks tricia- i think this will be fun.

-ran to my train this morning and actually caught it.
-ate lunch in a mall.
-5 pages from finishing I, claudius.

Red Metro-North trains go to Connecticut; blue metro-north trains stay in NY. I learned that the hard way this morning.

Last night I did something that I’ve never done before

I stayed up to finish reading The Great Gatsby- for the pure enjoyment of it. I have started many books but never ever finish them. I don’t even know why. I will read a book, get about 60 to 100 pages in and think to myself “I really like this book” then lay it down… forever.

I should have been building characters in flash.

You haven’t lived until you’ve had to sink-wash your clothing.

If you are waiting for your paycheck to come or you are just flat broke, you may have had to wash clothes without a machine. Here are a few tips I have discovered through troubled times.

1. Choose only necessities such as underwear/panties, socks, beater or t-shirt and the clothes you plan to wear tomorrow. Don’t try to wash loads at a time. Make sure to leave an emergency (not as filthy) shirt and pants in case clothes do not dry in time.

2. If you know you will be low on clean clothes for a while- try layering the ones you have. This will preserve your outer clothing by trapping sweat at the beater/t-shirt underneath.

3. Don’t use too much detergent. It’s difficult to rinse out and will make your clothes stiffer. Plus, you probably don’t have much if any. You can also use fabric softener after your first rinse …if you can score some. I can’t use softener its makes my skin itch.

4. Really wring out your clothes.

5. Hang them from the shower rod so they drip into the tub. Use hangers or clean off the topside of the rod so dust doesn’t stain clothes when they are stretched over.

6. Open a window and try to get a cross breeze going. Remove clothes from the bathroom after they have dripped and hang them in a drier environment such as your room in front of a window, ac or fan.

7. If it’s a humid summer night in New York City DO NOT LEAVE WET CLOTHES IN THE BATHROOM OVERINIGHT. You will have moist mildew undies in the morning. In which case you must wash them all again and dry in the sun or find quarters for a machine drier. It sucks to take wet clothes to the Laundromat, but it can be done.

8. If you must take wet clothes to the Laundromat (because it's too humid to dry at home): place your wet, well wringed clothes in a bag. When you get there, snatch a laundry cart, walk out of sight dump your clothes in the cart. Now walk over to the driers as if you had been there all along. yay clean socks!



haha Shameless promotion ;)

Numa just told me that the new building across the street will be a 12-story condominium.

I will have to buy curtains

Across the street there has been a large hole in the ground for about a year. Suddenly the construction company decided to get their shit together and make a building. Our super told us it would be luxury condos. I hope he was teasing, but I don’t think so.

I also don’t think they are union because they are sometimes out there by 3am and they seem to be making a new floor every two days.

I don’t know much about construction but I have seen lots of partially made buildings in the city. They all have steal beams erected from the ground up. Like the one cattycorner from my block. I know that it will be at least 5 stories because it’s beams raise that high.

But I have no idea what they are doing with this building across the street. Its area takes up both sides of the block so I imagine it must be very tall. But instead of steal beams they seem to build a floor, pave it and then build another floor held up by 2x12’s. Like layers of a cake or crackers separated by dozens of toothpicks. So I have no idea how high it will be because each new floor could possibly be a roof.

I know I’m going to lose my beautiful of north Harlem.

I don’t own digital cameras so here is photo taken from my window about 10 months ago. Now there is a 4 story building in the lower portion almost blocking out the street. Mini Mart is no longer visible.


And here is my view in 6 months.

I don’t own a DVD burner

Yeah I really suck right now. I stayed up half the week to finish my animatic and didn’t finish and furthermore- I couldn’t have made a dvd if I had finished.

So my next goal- other than paying rent (and utilities sometime soon) and food- is to buy a dvd burner and a dazzle to import video. Everyone I know has a burner and would let me use it- but I know I need this to be a real person. it's like owning a stapler.

So then I can be listening to records on my vintage phonograph and sipping gourmet coffee brewed from my French press and still be doing actual productive things like exporting my animation so people can watch it on their tv’s and dvd players and not just their internet. I hate myself sometimes.

I did make the deadline however. There’s something a little exciting about waiting in that very long line at the main branch of the post office aiming to make the day’s postmark. Like the last long stretch of your marathon. And then you get to go to macy’s for groceries yum.

They don’t sell bread at Macy’s. Don’t try to find the wonderbread or even 12 grain. They do have everything bagels though. Oh this lady down there told me that every night the sandwiches and salads are “buy one get one free” after 8 i think. You can get one of each ;)

Right now I’m looking at a bag of dried fruit and not hungry. Weird how just knowing you have something to eat tomorrow makes you not hungry. I have a Greek salad in the fridge.

More panels you can only see online…

I haven' t pondered much lately because I'm on a deadline for a grant that I will not receive. Here’s a few storyboards that I have been drawing. Hopefully Tricia and Amy will not be mad that I put them on my blog :) -

why doesn't Ronald McDonald have any friends his own age?

Duncan: Not much, brb.

http://www.whoomp.com/articles/163/1/He-Man-does-4-non-blondes

I don't know why Blogger only wants to display Homo Thug and none of my non-Homo Thug pictures.

I never knew The Empire Strikes Back existed.

I remember my best friend’s older brother having lots of Star Wars toys like furry dino-kangaroos and tall walking boxes but I didn’t know there was more to the story than to save the princess and blow up the metal moon.

Then my family bought a vcr and rented Return of the Jedi.

Luke was calm and some bad shit had happen to Han Solo, and Princess Laya was some type of sex slave. But I just thought that time had passed since Star Wars and maybe that was unexplained back story. I guess I just thought that was how sequels worked and other than "King Kong Lives", "Return of the Jedi" was my first real sequel. Oh what there was "Return to Oz" and that had lots of back story mystery.

Anyway so when I finally saw the empire strikes back on USA I was like there’s a middle one? Why? It seemed like wasted film because the story worked without it.

Well I was watching ESB recently and I think it’s probably the best one. I’m not really a star wars fan but this movie seems to focus more on non-forced character and relationship development with some actual acting. And im a push over for sexual tension.

Film People Don't Know Shit

What is up with people asking for animated trailers for their scripts of live-action films? And why don’t they know that “live-action” is the term for films that are NOT animated? not an "action" film.

Yo film people other than Tricia- what type of camera is this?



if you can use this then maybe you will understand why animation so much more fucking expensive than just shooting the damn scene with your rented HD camcorder with 3CCD-24P.

Just because an Artist owns this program doesn't mean you don't have to pay for planning (boarding/layout/building), and the man hours it will take.

Julie Andrews was kind of hot as Mary Poppins even though she looked more like a lesbian in the Sound of Music.

i finally bought the special addition of laz burman’s william shakespear’s romeo and juliet.

made me feel 16 again. Ah those days when i was so inspired to make art. i forgot how visually appealing wet and dirty looks on screen. In real life it just smells.

I am a little envious that i can’t also draw a gun at someone and then have a peaceful conversation.





oh so beautiful. Much more than my microwave.

My warm and toasty art a villain!

this a picture of my microwave. beautiful. it doesn't just wave- it toasts, bakes and broils. you can wad up a ball of foil and toss it in-as long as its on toast, bake, or broil.
while back i was walking from the Porto Rico Importing Co. with pound of yummy espresso when i saw this same Sharp Warm and Toasty model thrown on the corner. is there something wrong with the microwave? My roommates thought I was just paranoid.
my warm and toasty likes to continue making wave noises when i open the door. is it really "COOL ING" as it sometimes says? i am constantly checking my left hand for color alteration and developing moles.

LA REDOU

yeah i was almost hit by a car today. it would have completely been my fault too. i would draw a picture of what i did wrong in the intersection but i'm too lazy to unload.

so imagine this is me on my roommate’s bike. theres an suv on the left side of the image (in the big empty space). i tried to make a right turn in front of the suv because the driver's waiting at the light while talking to someone on the sidewalk. yeah... i tried to pass on the left to make a right. not good. now a second suv comes out of my left side (where the audience is cheering) and i try to pull back and maneuver parallel but since i was on a slight hill (like in the picture) i ended up stopping instead. the car went around me and I was ok but everyone saw me look like an ass.

today

I think I will be ok. The ghetto deli downstairs has been out of cracked peppermill turkey for about a week. Today I tried the Cajun turkey sandwich.

Evidently i don’t know how to use the internet. All i want is to find a list of illegal/or legal drugs from most dangerous to least dangerous. but all I keep finding are sites singling out crystal meth or how marijuana is destroying america’s youth. Does anyone know where I can find a list on a good, easily managed site?

yeah that letter didn't get me anywhere, but look at this Pretty Pretties!

Dear Young Agency:

I am interested in being a creative director for your company to vent my imaginative ideas, which as a starving artist, I would never have financial backing to execute. My primary aspiration in life is to lead a troop of nuns slowly across intersections during rush hour to give commuters the cinematic experience of being in an exaggerated chase scene. My second aspiration is to take these artistic urges and package them neatly into a pentacle of American capitalism. Also, I am utterly amazed with industrial design on the small scale, such as those little red dotted lines on individual packets of salt.

My mind is swollen with ADHD from my relentless television sitcom and advertising upbringing. This, plus a great understanding of storytelling and an awareness of formulas and gimmicks used (and reused) in advertising are what I believe make me an excellent candidate for your creative director.

I am attaching a pdf. of my resume.

Thank you very much,
CB

I’m beginning to think over this starting-a-new-religion thing. And was wondering if there really is a heaven and hell who would go to hell faster… Porn producers from Encino or L. Ron Hubbard?

Well, since my idea has nothing to do with aliens buried in volcanoes making people’s blood pressure high (giving them evil stress) then maybe Goalism is not a religion so much as a philosophy. So here’s the first of the philosophy:

Logic before Emotion
Although popular belief is to discus ones emotions openly- it really can beat a subject to death and there is nothing to show for it. Instead put that emotion into motion by applying the “stress” or whatever feelings you have toward a goal that will put you in a better place.

the worst description for a movie ever:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/fantastic_four/behind_the_scenes/

Goalism

Without any bona fide research I am contemplating the idea of starting a new religion. This idea I am calling Goalism, for now anyway. Perhaps later I will find a more suitable name because I googled ‘goalism’ and found this website: http://www.personal.kent.edu/~jwattles/arts.htmI didn’t read all of it because I found it boring. My idea is similar yeah much simpler. I’ll get back to that…

The other day I passed by the L. Ron Hubbard Stress test people at the Times Square station. Normally I would pass by and think, “Man, I want a stress test” and continue walking to the 2/3 train. But this day I was with Cynthea and said aloud “Man, I want a stress test…and a FREE Dianetics book,” “You should ask for one,” says Cynthea. So we headed over there to con a free book from these people.

They are good. Too good.

Before I could bring up the book- which they had at least 50 copies there- a rather pushy girl tells me to “Sit Down! I’ll give you a stress test”. That was half of what I wanted so I sat. She handed me two medal batons with wires leading to what liked very old decibel meter. She told me to think of something stressful. I thought of the germs that must have been on the batons but when the meter shot up she asked, “What are you thinking of ?” for fear of later being blackmailed I confessed, “My bike.”

“Oh? What stress do you have with your bike?”

“I ride in traffic.”

“Is that stressful?”

“yes.”

I didn’t want to tell something personal but I also didn’t want her to think I was mocking her because then I’d never get the free Dianetics book. I continued with the questioning. The meter shot up- not sure how cus I wasn’t thinking anything. She asked, “What are you thinking about now?

“Um my parents.”

“What is it about your parents that makes you stressed?”

“I’m not sure.”

Little did I know that this was exactly the right answer. She added, “do you ever get stressed out and you just don’t know why?”

“Yeah! But I’m not sure why.”


“Then I want you to read the back of this book”

She handed me Dianetics (yes!). I skimmed the back- it was about being stressed and not knowing why, bla bla, Dianetics will help you..bla.

“It’s a suggested donation of 8 dollars”

”Oh…suggested donation?” I say.

“Of 8 dollars.”

“Oh but I don’t have 8 dollars”

“Do you have 8 dollars between the both of you?”

“no.”

“do you have a credit card or a debt card?

“oh um no, sorry”

Abort. As we were leaving she added “I want you to get 8 dollars and came back and buy this book- I think it will really change your life.”

So I still really want to know what’s in the Dianetics book but I don’t want to give the scientologist any of my money. Back to “Goalism” until I think of a better name…

Then again this entry is way too long- looks like I didn’t even reach my objective. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Japanese website

I know this is not very Stoic but look! I'm on a Janpanese website!
http://plamelo.net/movie/shoukai/christibertelsen.html

I love how Blogger gives me the option to screw up my html

mullet- sorry you found out this way

Yeah I was trying to become a Stoic. Someone posted about the ghetto condensed free version of Encyclopedia Britannica. So this is the key point I think- it’s also one very long sentence: “… It stressed duty and held that, through reason, mankind can come to regard the universe as governed by fate and, despite appearances, as fundamentally rational, and that, in regulating one's life, one can emulate the grandeur of the calm and order of the universe by learning to accept events with a stern and tranquil mind and to achieve a lofty moral worth.” This sounds like an awesome way to live.
Today I went to a salon to have my hair layered and received a mullet. Everyone tells me, “It’s not really a mullet.” They are just being nice. This is a mullet and over the past 10 hours has given me great pain. I almost cried. Really. But I know I can’t do that now. I must accept with a stern and tranquil mind that my hair is short in the front and long in the back. Because I know that there’s nothing I can do about it. If I go back they can’t fix this hair and if I asked for my money back I wouldn’t feel any better. So I think that is maybe where my Stoicism has to start. Right here. Yeah... I have a mullet.

happiness

I tried becoming a Stoic today but encyclopedia Britannica wanted me to give them money for their information on Stoicsim. I wasn’t even sure if they’d tell me what I needed to know- I left that site and searched on howstuffworks. This is what I found: http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/stoicism/
I need a pamphlet with the key points underlined. Maybe someone will show up at my door or better yet slip the brochure under. I can pick it up with the Chinese menu.

yeah

I started this blog only to sign my name to a friend's "comments".
but since it is over and done with I will show what I've done with my day.

email:
Dear (employer),
I apologize for the reminder email, but I have not received payment for the April 26, 2005 invoice for the amount of $300.00. However, I did receive payment for the previous invoice (4-15-50) for $600.00. I’m worried that the second one may have been over looked. I would appreciate if you could ask the billing department if they have sent payment for the attachment invoice.
Thank you very much,
-CB