yeah i'm still being a hater

This is M*attesi's site.
www.drawingforce.com
you can see a few quicktime clips of him drawing. you can also pay up to $100 for an online class.

cynthea and i had great fun critiquing his gallery.

wow i'm starting to talk about M*ttesi the way my high school art teacher, Mrs. Morgan, talked about Thomas Kinkade

i think if i'm going to trying copy anyone's "style" this drawing would be it.

wow Leonardo was drawing keys.

RENT

Seth sent me this. not the picture-I just thought it was important for us all to see Rosario Dawson ::sigh::



about rent, one reviewer wrote:

"Who's Surprising: Dawson, as Mimi, the heroin-addicted stripper with AIDS, transcends her skinny, pretty self with some very nice singing. She also makes you forget that she works in the same strip club that Jennifer Beals worked at in Flashdance, the one where men pay good money to see women create elaborate choreography scenarios but never take off their clothes."

I really hope that the persons with guns resolve their differences very soon.

there was another shooting acrossed the street. someone was hurt but i think he'll be ok because he walked to the stretcher.

Duvet smells like bleach

Jose got me out to Duvet last night. i really didn't want to go. partly because i didn't want to walk home late all alone- the shooting the night before*. and partly becasue i've been kind of anti-sociol lately. mostly because i feel i'm not accomplising anything. like i should work hard before i play hard. or something like that. and even though Sara says i pretend to be shy- i think i really am sometimes.

Duvet is a club that instead of tables, they have king size beds. everything is white. the bar also looks like its made of glacier. oh and the weirdest thing was using the bathroom. i was a little tipsy from the coquito still so the bathroom stalls freaked me out. actually they still do. but its a cool idea. coquito should be served in bars and clubs.

anyway my plan was to um read or draw- curl up on a bed and just chill since Tricia didn't feel like coming. yeah i guess it looks kind of pretenious to go to a $20 club to read, but i wasn't up for meeting people because i was so full from thanksgiving dinner and kind of shy.

Jose knows a lot of people.

I finally got to see Sophia La Mar wearing no pants. i don't believe she ever wears pants or skirts. but i guess if i were a 68 year old transsexual with legs like hers i wouldn’t either. and Amanda Lepore handed me her new postcard taken my David La Chapelle. i put it in my back pocket and probably lost it in the cab, but it was an awesome picture of course. i'm glad she remembers who i am. she’s very nice.

anyway jose introduced me to a really cool lesbian couple. they looked like they walked out of the L word. they were tall, beautiful, loved dance music, and were "cool." i am uncool.

evidently lesbians can tell when other girls like girls. because they decided to give jose advice for me. grr. i love how people always want to "help" me.
anway they said "whatever you do don't let her go to a dyke bar. some girl will put her in flannel and make her listen to ani de franco."

i did go to a lesbian party at starlight with my friend June. June is "cool." shes also an amazing artist. kind of an elitist - she doens't seem to like...well anyone. she once told me about hanging out with her ex girlfriend’s crowd..."I'm tired of your poetry. shave your arm pits." i love that quote.

anyway, Tricia was telling me i should be friends with the "cool" lesbians i guess so i can learn to be cool too? like the makeovers in zztop videos. that doesn’t sound right. here lets be friends so i can use you guys to be cool.

i'm already not as smart as all my friends. do i need a "cool" complex?

oh i did end up dancing though. that’s really the only reason i ever like going out. and they played most every song on Madonna's new album.

I heard about 8 or 10 shots

my head phones were on when i heard the noise. i went to the window hoping people were setting off firecrackers again. that’s when i heard the “ting”. yeah that was a bullet hitting a pole and close enough for me to hear the “ting”. I saw some scared looking people taking off up the block. but i didn’t want to be in the window anymore.

Tricia came walking in fast- yogurt in hand- and was like “hey lets go to the roof!” so i grabbed my phone, called 911 and went up stairs.

I was hoping the deli guy wasn’t killed. i saw a fight almost get ugly in there. i’m guessing they do own a gun. one night, one of the deli boys (16 maybe) was reaching into his coat when some asshole was making trouble with the deli guy. the asshole kept telling him “you don’t want to do that in here...come outside. there’s other people in here in here...lets take it outside.” i was pretty nervous but calm. silently praying that they wouldn’t take it outside and wouldn’t have a shoot up inside. cynthea and i were able to pay for our stuff and go. i was glad to see the deli boy around the next day.

but tonight i figured the deli guy was safe behind his bulletproof rotating box when i remembered how late is was.

anyway, its freezing outside. i told the police the cross-streets and by the time we got up stairs, 2 cops cars pulled up to the 24 hour laundromat. then 2 more pulled up followed by an undercover car. the police jumped out and kind of stood around on the vacant corner waiting for the gunman to show up.

then two guys and 3 girls came walking up. the police stopped them, saying “do you have any weapons...can you stand against the glass.” (the glass for the laundromat.). wow it looked really fucked up, like we were watching COPS. 8 white guys searching two black guys while the girls stand off by the curb. the two guys seemed hesitant and i think probably scared. then one of the girls yelled out “do whatever he says! just let him search you!”

of course they didn’t find anything. the cops stood around in a group a few minutes more. one asked the other cops “any witnesses?” they searched one more person before they got in their cars and left.

i thought i’d see if there was anything going on down the block. so i looked over the other edge and saw two more cop cars and a group of people talking to a police officer writing a report. there were no ambulances so i guess no on was hurt.

i was listening to tegan and sara and got inspired to get in touch with my lesbian side. are they both gay or is one like really lesbian the other one plays a guitar?

yeah so i looked up some poems and found this:

You may forget but
let me tell you
this: someone in
some future time
will think of us

- Sappho (600 BC)

damn...

don't buy a stopwatch made in ussr.

the new madonna album is pretty good

it’s 2am i’m about to go to sleep again. I don’t know why but i have been almost comatose for 2 days and so has Cynthea and Tricia. i don’t feel sick just very very tired. I hope we don’t have mono. I hope there is not a slight gas leak in our apartment. and i hope Bonnie does not contract mono or die from a gas leak when she visits this weekend.

Im sitting at my job waiting for corrections. hopefully only corrections and not entire new segments like friday night after work. but its good. time-and-a-half. Friday should have been my last day, but since their screening was pushed back to today i am paid to be on call. good good.

this was to be my big friday night whoohoo: go to union square. look up the matesi and mcmullen high-focus drawing books at barnes & noble. meet sara at kitty-kind, eat at tacobell, drink chi, walk sara to her train. and if i was lucky i'd get to hold a kitty cat. there's no way i can have one.

none of that happen because i had overtime. which is, like i said, not a bad thing. but it sucks to rely on the train which after 9 comes once an hour. now i know what commuters from long island feel like or upstate for that matter.

grr but i really do become irritated by the "bridge and tunnel" people on fridays and saturdays. crowding on the train with their heavy perfumes and colognes and accents. yes i said accents. they're going to "the City" when i just want to go home. and i wouldn't hate them so much if they had anything interesting to overhear.

mostly i've been reading a book called music for torching. but i forgot it last friday night when i was running (literally) for the 9:03 i even stopped and thought about going back for it. yeah me going back for a book. but i was on the last chapter.

i didn't go back- i wasn't about to miss my train and i was going to get a seat. so saturday i didn't have a book to take down to the laundromat. i asked cynthea for something small. she gave me two books: a cricket in time square and quiet days in clichy. if someone had looked in my bag they'd think i was a pedophile.

I started cricket first, i didn't far. then i went onto the henry miller one. it's kind of funny so far. right now the main character (which i think is supposed to be miller) is really pissed because he just gave all his money to a whore and can't find a thing to eat. dumbass.

yeah so i need to finish the am homes one before- oh shit today is the 7th. i need to look this up- she should have a reading today. Tricia had this idea that we both take the book someone threw out in a cardboard box. (thats where Music for torching came from) and ask her to sign it both of us. so ghetto :)

wow, i just worked 15 hours straight no lunch creak, no dinner. they did buy me lunch, thats good. today was my deadline and i think i have a few panels left but i had to make the 12:06 or i would have to wait another hour for a train. and somehow i came home and turned on my computer. this is not natural.
i hate sitting for long periods of time. i hate standing for long periods of time. i like lying down for long periods of time. yeah. i wonder if staring at a luminescent screen all day is really equivalent ot staring at fire. i should try that maybe. maybe not. the only fire i have are candlse and the gas burners on the stove.
ph god the other day i woke up, opened my door and smelled gas. i intimately ran to the kitchen and lifted up the stove top but the pilot lights were burning and so was the on under the oven. then i looked and the knob was slightly turned. not on but on enough.
ok sleep.