I was challenged to fight in a lesbian bar

After the Tango on the pier I decided to give the lesbian bar another try.

I should have written about my experience last week but I forgot. Basically, I was frighten by very drunk, staggering girls that wanted to hold hands, in the restroom line, while they told me they “love a girl in glasses.” Of course I didn’t talk to anyone because I’m not used the lesbian scene and well I’m girl-shy. Mostly, I go to gay clubs where they play Madonna and Kylie, the girls are straight (or fairy princesses) or trannies and the men are, for the most part, very polite...to girls at least.

For anyone who doesn’t know this: in gay/lesbian establishments there are two restrooms but neither are designated for men or women. So both are unisex and if there is a line well it’s just like in Duane Reade- you form one long line.

I had to tell this to a gentleman last week who was looking for the men’s restroom. His plan for a speedy trip was ruined, but he took it pretty well. It made sense to him in the half-second it took to think about it. So, he smiled and headed to the back of the very long line.

Tonight, I was in the restroom line again. And again a man tried to cut to the front looking for the men’s restroom. I told him that they both function as women’s restrooms and that the line started “back there.” The guy was obviously a catamite (a very cunty one) so he should have known. He didn’t seem to understand and gave me attitude complete with a finger snap. SO I told him “yeah girls used both restrooms. The line starts back there.” He continued with his bitching, “I know the lines back there you don’t have to tell me Honey...You can’t tell me I can’t used the bathroom...”

“yeah, the line is back there.”

OH man this man was completely in my face. It was so silly. he walked to the back while saying “and Honey, you could afford to lose some weight.”

OH THE DESPERATE WORDS OF A CUNTY TIRED BITCH!! I turned and the tall blonde girl behind me said, “I got your back.” “Thanks,” I smiled and headed into the restroom as I was at the front by then.

Then I left. I knew I wouldn’t actually talk to any girls but I thought I would break myself in by going. I called Jane to tell her about the hilarious argument. She was on her way to the bar, so I decided to go back with her. By the time we came back, the crowd seemed to have changed so it was possible that the asshole left.

We were there for a little while. I had a few drinks and was feeling pretty good. And I look to my side and there was the asshole standing in a circle of friends. They looked friendly actually. Our eyes met. Shit. I could see him looking at me from the corner of my eye. Now I’m not trying to say that I am a good person but I was tipsy and it did seem like a while had passed since the argument and really it’s just weird to look someone standing next to you dead in the eye and then pretend you didn’t see them...or at least childish. So I leaned over thinking bygones could be bygones and said “oh hey sorry that we argued earlier.” big mistake.

“YOU SHOULD BE! You should be!” followed by a whirlwind of fast-talking, Z-snapping, and crude lesbian references (btw this was a short stout white guy with a tiny ponytail atop his head and a scruffy half beard, light brown, wearing a t-shirt). I glanced over to Jane who looked like she wanted to kick his balls. For the life of me I could not wipe the grin of my face. I sipped my beer and told him “nice ponytail.”

“Fat ass you wanna?... I’ll take you both!... You and her! Really this just about you and me!... Just you!”

This was such bad 80’s dialogue. Why was Jane invited and then uninvited? This was not real. The bitch challenged me to a fight on the dance floor of the Orchid Lounge! No. I don’t fight. There is no way I would ever fight. It’s trashy and I like my teeth. Plus I’m not getting kicked out of the only lesbian party I know of. What kind of girl did this asshole assume that I was? I was wearing a skirt.

But really I could feel the adrenaline running through my arms. I so wanted to kick him in the groin then uppercut him in the nose. Asshole faggot. Needless to say the fight did not happen and I basically ignored him and he went away. wow I guess that’s all you have to do? wow people are animals.


Really, I would love to see what happens to the man that hits a woman in a crowded lesbian bar.